Wounds are Wounds

When you deploy, let’s just say somewhere far, far, far away.  Far from your family, your home, your life as you knew it.  To a foreign land, full of unseen sites, people, cultures.  What do you do?  Well, as for me, being in the military, I jumped in both feet and started experiencing things.  As they say “try to make the best of the situation”.  What I didn’t know, was how many people just wanted to take advantage of a female alone in the desert.

When I arrived that week just before Easter, I was in awe.  Wow, I’m here to do something for my country.  Do something I never thought I would do.  Carry a weapon and fight.  I asked myself over and over again “what are you thinking”.  And the answer…doing good things for good people in a bad situation.

So, I could start with the first officer who proceeded to use me as their deployment toy, or where I truly need to start.  The one that I’ve been holding in for years.  The one that broke down all my ability to trust, who not only used his status but being a man of the cloth.  I think that’s where it truly hurt.

Church , week after Easter.  Those Catholics out there know the sermon well.  Doubting Thomas.  The sermon had me so moved, I had never heard it delivered that way.  Fast forward to the end of mass and I’m thanking this priest so much.  Thank you for your sermon, your service.  It was truly inspirational.  I informed him that I had just arrived in Country and that I will be attending regularly his service.  I explained I was going thru a horrible divorce and was fighting the fight, doing something out of my comfort zone.  Bettering my life, my children’s lives, fighting for our country.  He was quite gracious and kind.  Thanked me for the kind words and I thought what a nice way to start off my time here in another land.

The following week I’m in my office and I bump into him in the copy office?  Weird because at this point I was not putting two and two together.  I had no idea that he was the same priest.  I am not saying we all look alike in our uniforms, trust me, there are times I thought we did.  But shortly after that meeting I received an email on my outlook account from him.   First, how in the world did he find me, second why was he writing me? It basically was saying I am sorry I will be out of town for your upcoming birthday we should celebrate when I return and proceeded to give me a private email address should I need him while he was away.  I was stunned.  Why was this priest sending me an email message?   Do they do this for soldiers so far from home?  Well, it didn’t take long for me to respond, and the email correspondence was flying back and forth.  He was going to his place of birth to see his family with members of his previous church.  To be exact with two females of his previous church.  Odd, but okay.  He is a very outgoing priest who is concerned about his congregation.  Got it.

Then I received my first Skype call from him.  Late at night while I was alone in my Containerized housing unit (Chu).  The conversation was awkward.  We discussed where he went with the two ladies.  That they were in their own hotel rooms.  He then asked for a picture of me?!!!!!???  A What?!!  Um, Let’s just say I sent him a photo, he asked me to stay on the skype, he will watch me sleep.  Mind you I’m all alone in a scary place,  and this was the only person who treated me like I was an individual who needed a little guidance in a scary place.

So, as his rest and relaxation (R&R) continued for the next two weeks I was his morning skype call, his midday email, his evening skype call.  Each time he was requesting more and more of me.  Talking to me as if a kindered spirit.  He knew I was alone (everyone else was there when I met the unit there, so I was the outsider and a lot older than everyone else).

One of the nights he had me on skype he was like, “let me see your body”.  I noticed in his camera his hand was making motions, gently stroking something.  I don’t know if I was shocked or flattered.  Please don’t judge me on this.  When a man of the cloth is supposedly not allowed to have sexual contact, don’t you think the person he is doing this in front of in a way feels honored (and let me say CREEPED OUT at the same time).

I’ll bring us up to the time he returned back to where I was.  He arrived back late at night.  And I mean LATE!  He called me on skype and wanted to make sure I was awake.  If anyone knows deployments, sleep sucks, so of course I’m awake.  He immediately ran over to my CHU what happened after that has haunted me and confused me to this day 8 years to the date.  He grabbed me and hugged me (how is this wrong priests are supposed to be loving people) until he passionately kissed me…


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